If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all...

That is why I haven't posted since July, I have nothing wonderful to share with anyone, and if I did I couldn't say because it's braggin right? So what to say. Well shit I'm just gonna go for it, and say what's on my mind.

I need help, I need to crawl out of this hole before it sucks me in again. Each day it gets worse and worse, I want the things I had a few months ago...

Husband who loves me everyday (and night!)
A beautiful home that doesn't have piles of laundry on the floor
A super close relationship with my family
And time to breathe

So what should I do? I can't seem to get off my ass and get this shit going. Why? because I will go out of my way for a distraction. I love my distractions. oh yes I do.

I need coffee and a new brain.... like Megs, or my moms or something, that will make keeping up my house top priority. But we can't do that can we?

Maybe if I had some help.... Steve says that now that I have a job he'll help me, Once I get it back to normal first! How does that help?

I need you to help dig me out! Grab a fucking shovel! I didn't do this alone!

That is the biggest stress in my life right now. He thinks I do not care, it's not that! I just can't seem to do it! I'm not the kind of person that can run around all day working and then come home and be running around too.

Even before I got my job the months this place was immaculate, I was constantly cleaning up something, I never got to rest!

And now we have a fucking physco dog that barfs and shits constantly!

I am always cleaning up dog puke.

Whitney came, and It was wonderful.... made me feel alive again. Unfortunatly I am now suffering from fun whithdrawls....

lost my thought path.... oh well

I'd rather not say....

Ughhhh, I feel like a looser right now, I was more free at age 17 than I am now! I wish someone would have told me not to grow up! This sucks, I'm sooooooo hungry and I refuse to eat another freakin sandwich. I want real food! I need to buy groceries! and where is my husband? flippin GOLFING, hanging out with all his friends doing something he loves...... wow last time I got to do that.......... shit, I'm thinking hard but I cannot remember! So anyways, guess I'll stop bitchin now, I just finished an awesome book! Salem Falls by Jodi Picoult, pretty good. ummmm.... I really can't think of anything positive to say, besides Seth's birthday is coming up, so I have to start planning that. And Steve's mom wants to buy Seth a puppy, which I would love! But Steve doesn't want one and my mother says I'm not "ready" for a puppy, ME not Seth, not ready! So I can handle raising a child but not a freaking dog? Nice, so glad that everyone thinks so highly of me. Sorry, Its been a HORRIBLE 24hrs.

yin and yang

Oh boy what a weekend! Beautiful blue sky not toooooo hot, well I was in water most of the time so I wouldn't really know. Since Friday I've been on this crazy roller coaster, went to the beach with a great friend Tiffany and her ADORABLE daughter Hannah. It was perfect clear, low tide, and flat, so Seth was free as a fishy swimming around. Then we went to Steve's mom's house for some Fab Fajitas and I got to hang out with my rock n roll tiger meg. Then off to Tiffany and Ryan's house for some beer, good conversation and pool basketball. Had soooooo much fun and even went for a tipsy adventure walk on a golf course under construction and found a HUGE perfect white conk -like shell. It was as big as my forearm, weird find when you're looking for golf balls. Then in the am we went back to Steve's mom's to pick up our monkey child and I was sooooooooo hanging, it was torture cuz when you put Seth, Meg and me in one house, it can get PRETTY Loud. ughhhh.... But on the bright side Steve made me an awesome egg sandwich. :) Hmmmm..... what should we do while nursing our hangovers on this beautiful Saturday? Let's go SCUBA DIVING IN THE OCEAN! So we stop by a dive store and I start getting more and more sick and yet more and more excited cuz I haven't snorkeled in forever! We went to the same beach we got married at and it was pretty awesome conditions, visibility wasn't perfect but you could see directly below you. Steve should have been born a fish, he was so comfortable diving super deep, and picking up various sea creatures, looked like a happy little Arial admiring her treasures. It def took snorkeling to a new level with him there, added a bit more entertainment when your husband is zipping off ahead of you playfully chasing a school of fish. Or picking up a live conk only to have it sting his hand. Steve picked up a sea slug and we both reacted when it started spewing purple ink! LOL great day, and I love my husband :) He is the Yin to my Yang and he's got a nice butt so I could follow him all day! lol! My hangover finally left me when my friend joined us all at the beach. Her and I went to Rum bar and I got to play wing man, and have some girly chat time. The next moring Steve went scuba diving with his mom and her bf under the Blue Heron bridge, down about 20ft Steve said it was amazing! When I woke up, we went to the beach, yes again, with Tiffany and Ryan. Had a fun time as the water conditions were perfect yet again. Spent most of our time in the water and it was fun Seth had a great time. Sunday afternoon was spent watching Harry Potter ummm... Order of the Phoenix and making chicken tacos for my boys. I'm in love with my boys and my life. The weekend was awesome and packed like a easter basket with all sorts of goodies. Now it's Monday, back to work and chores for Steve and I. I'm sure we'll be at the beach tonight, are you coming?

here goes

At the beach, as usual, Steve just kicked ass on a wave, Seth's bodysurfing on the sand, and I'm just sitting back in my little green chair watching them. This is my usual weekday evening and I love it. :) Today (payday)was a pretty lousy one as we watched 3 paychecks go off to the rent and other bills leaving us broke yet again. :/ Guess it's chicken and spaghetti again this week! I'm surprised steve was so cool about it though, he's usually pretty fusturated when we're broke. Today he actually said, "We may be poor, but at least we have eachother!" In a joking way of course, but I loved it all the same. Seth keeps asking me when we are going to his birday, it's reeeeally getting annoying but def cute at the same time. Steve just surfed allll the way in and looks tired, guess I'm out!